Repost: Disappointing

Sometimes I imagine looking at myself from the eyes of another, in which case, of course, I wouldn’t be myself; I feel the disappointment of the other; I feel doubly disappointed, in fact, since I also feel my own disappointment at having disappointed another.

[Reposted with edits, here and on Instagram.]

Worlds

You close your eyes and you go to other worlds that don’t exist, worlds that once were, worlds that could have been, worlds that could be, and worlds that never could have been, that could never be; and sometimes, for those other worlds you see when you close your eyes, for those worlds that don’t exist, you ruin the world that does exist when you open your eyes.

[Posted on Instagram.]

An Interest

He's interesting, but he isn't that interesting, she would say. He isn't interesting enough, for example, for her to show him that he interests her. There are others, less interesting than he is, to be sure, who show her an interest, and she shows them an interest because they show her theirs. If he were to be interested, then she would be very interested; he would then be both interesting and interested, which would make him much more interesting. Paradoxically though, she realizes that part of her interest in him is his apparent lack of interest in her, which she finds intriguing. What could it be about him or about her, she wonders, that makes him so uninterested! He follows her online, so she knows that he does know her, or know of her at least, but not much more. For now, she can only try to make herself seem more interesting to him so that he can become interested, but she knows that by doing so she will also (or only?) attract the attention of those less interesting than he is, whose interest she is less interested in, though she would continue to entertain these interests, until he (or someone just as interesting, or more interesting even) shows her an interest. If he were to show her an interest, then she wouldn't hesitate to show him her interest, to show him and only him, but he hasn't shown her an interest, and interesting as he is, he isn't interesting enough for her to go out of her way to show him her interest when he hasn't shown her an interest, yet.


[Edited on 25-04-2023. Posted on Instagram.]

All about timing

She wanted to and she would have if she could have, she would have if he would have; he could have (because she wanted to and she would have), but he wouldn’t; but in another time he would have wanted to and he would have if he could have, he would have if she would have, if she had let him know that she would have, then he would have let her know that he would, and then maybe they would have.

[Edited on 12-03-2023. Posted on Instagram.]

Fantasies of Words

You have words on your mind, words you remember, words you remember having said and words you remember others saying to you, words they said of you; and you also have words you imagine, words you wish they said of you, words you wish you said and words you wish they said to you; you wish you thought of this word instead of the word you used, you think of how things would have turned out then; other than that you also have words you wish others would imagine, words you want them to wish they could say to you, words you want them to wish you would say to them, words you would not want said but you want them to be wished and imagined, you want others thinking as you think often, What if you said this, and then what if they said that, and what if I, what if you, what if they, and so you build your fantasies of words.

[Posted on Instagram. Edited after that on 12-04-2023]

Potential suffering

As she listened to him telling her what he'd done, asking her what he should do now, she reflected on what she had done and what she would have done had she been given the chance, how she would have ended up where he was now, wishing he could go back and change what he’d done, asking her if she saw a way out for him, assuming she would never do what he had done, not knowing that she had wanted to, that she would have if she could have; if she had been allowed to follow through, then she too would be suffering the consequences as he was suffering them now.

[Posted on Instagram.]