Fear of writing

Yesterday, I suddenly wondered if I did not want to write a long book because it would be too revealing to me, because it would involve too much looking into myself, too much insight. I had not even thought I was avoiding writing a novel, I had thought I was simply delaying it. In a single moment of epiphany, I learned that I (may) have been avoiding what I didn't know I was avoiding as well as why I (may) have been avoiding it. I also learned, and perhaps this was the thought that revealed the other thoughts, that writing was a form of vision, that I wrote to see, and therefore when I did not want to see, then I could not write.